Note: If you are questioning how a married woman can be single, please read Why Bruce Decided to Date Only Married Women. If will help you make better sense of what you read below.
Do you remember the movie Jerry McGuire? Do you remember the famous “You complete me” scene – a scene where Jerry runs home to his wife to reveal to her that all his success means nothing without her by his side, summarizing his passion fueled words with “You complete me”. If you haven’t heard about or watched the movie, you can see the scene here: You Complete Me.
I teared up the first time I watched that scene. The idea of being able to complete someone and someone completing me seemed so special as a teenager. This was until I tried to put this idea into practice in a relationship and failed miserably.
I do not think of Jerry McGuire often, but this movie came to mind when Bruce, as part of our discourse on his relationship and dating strategy, said:
A married woman will not need you to complete her because her first Husband completes her
Sensing that his words had sparked a thought in me, Bruce continued to share his thoughts on the characteristics that a woman who is happily married and is completed by her first husband will not exhibit. I am sharing three things that impacted be the most.
Needy – While it is okay for a woman to want or desire you, it is not okay for the woman to need you to complete her. A woman who needs you is by definition a woman who will always look to get something from you. That sets her up as a taker whether she desires to be or not.
A key thing to keep in mind is this: Needy love is at least partially self-motivated! If she cannot do without you, she will do anything to keep you – including losing herself in you. This is both dangerous for you and her. It is dangerous for her because she has made you an idol she cannot do without. It is dangerous for you because you now have control over her mental and emotional well-being. In other words, she is codependent and you have become a power-player. Thus, instead of operating as equals, you now operate from an uneven plain. This makes you unequally yoked and opens to door to deep relationship hurts.
Nagging – The word ‘nag’ means to constantly harass. A woman who constantly harasses is a woman who is not satisfied with what she has and thinks she can get what she is missing on the inside by changing her external conditions. Since she cannot control everything that happens externally, she tries to influence her external environment to give her what she desires through the medium of nagging.
Hence, nagging is ultimately a tool that attempts to exercise control over another person to get what we want so we are satisfied. The problem with the nag approach is that it is not effective at making us satisfied in the long run. This is because true satisfaction is born from within and not obtained from without.
If you are in a relationship with someone who nags, you will always be at fault and you will be made to feel less than you are.
Neurotic – To be neurotic is to be unstable or unbalanced. For a second, imagine yourself being tethered to an unstable or unbalanced load while trying to run. The load will be a drag on you and you will spend a huge amount of energy getting nowhere fast.
This is the same thing that happens when you tether yourself to a neurotic person. Neurosis has its roots in deep hurt and identity issues. Entering a relationship with a woman who has not dealt with her wounds is going to leave both you and her in an unpleasant place.
Remember, wounded people wound people and are easily wounded by people.
Bruce’s Advice: The best thing to do if you find that a woman in whom you have an interest suffers mightily from these three characteristics is grow the friendship and help them towards Him who can help take care of their root issues.