The Chemisty and Commonalities Trap

Today, it seems the world has been seduced into believing that chemistry and commonalities are most important when looking for a life partner. If you ask newlyweds why they got married, you will often get the response, 'we just clicked', or 'we hit it off from the start', or 'we just had so much in common.' Yet if you ask couples who have been married for a long-time why they have stayed married, the response changes from chemistry and commonalities to commitment and communication.

Therefore, it can be said that what normally gets people married is usually not the reason people stay married. For those who are more visual, consider chemistry and commonalities as motivators to ride off into the sunset with your beloved; now consider commitment and communication as what empowers you to carry on with that same journey when the car runs out of gas in the middle of nowhere.

A marriage and a building project have much in common. When architects are commissioned to work on a building project, they need two critical pieces of information: (1) how tall the building will be and (2) how heavy the building will be. These two pieces of information will be key in calculating the depth of the foundation needed to support the building. In the world of skyscrapers, the taller the building, the deeper the foundation. Architects take special care to ensure that the foundation is constructed correctly lest the building fail when completed. This is the reason the foundation for a skyscraper takes so much time.

Just as a well-built foundation is vital to the success of a building project, a well-built foundation is critical to ensure the survival of a marriage. Since every couple is the architect of their own marriage, they must make sure that their relationship is built on the foundation of communication and commitment to ensure a healthy marriage.

Like buildings, the marriages that stick out the most and become the envy of the world are those that are deeply rooted and grounded – they are the ones that have a deep foundation. Thus, it is important for every couple to realize that the best thing they can do is give themselves time to build the right foundation before attempting to build a marriage.

For more information, please read The Person You Should Consider Marrying 

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