Bruce is a 36-year-old friend who desires to be married. Tired of being unsuccessful in relationships, he told me last week that he has decided to date married women. He said, If I can’t convince single women to be with me, then maybe I can convince a married woman who is tired of her husband to ditch him for me. Bruce and I chuckled at how sad, desperate, and distorted that sounded. Bruce was only kidding…and then suddenly he wasn’t.
As our laughter subsided, Bruce had an aha moment of what it means to date a married woman. After sharing his thoughts with me, I encouraged and approved of his decision to date married women. In the next few paragraphs, I will share Bruce’s aha moment. I hope that after you read, you too will consider dating only married women from now on.
In the bible, the words, ‘a man who finds a wife finds a good thing’, is credited to King Solomon – a man who is regarded as one of the wisest persons that has ever lived. Though I have heard this scripture on multiple occasions, the emphasis has been always placed on the man – that the man should look for a woman to marry and not the other way around. Looking at the words more closely, King Solomon says ‘a man who finds a wife’ instead of saying ‘a man who finds a woman’. The emphasis is being placed on who the man should look for and find. In this passage, King Solomon suggests that a man should look for a wife – an already married woman – instead of simply looking for any odd woman.
Why say such a thing? It is because of this:
Every wife is a woman but not all women are wives
Now far be it for a wise man like King Solomon to suggest that men engage in home-wrecking and for women to be unfaithful in marriage. What he means by what he wrote is that a man should look for a woman who is married to God. To be married to God is to be one with Him. Oneness with God goes beyond being wedded or connected to God. It implies being fused with Him in the innermost part of our being. To be married to God is to have a heart that reflects the heart of God. Since God is love, a married woman can be defined as follows:
A married woman is a woman whose heart is filled and fused with love.
In physics, fusion takes energy and requires the expulsion of particles. This principle can also be applied to relationships. The fusion of two hearts in love takes time, effort (energy), and requires letting go of things that are not useful to the fused heart. For a woman to be married, there are a few things that need to be expunged from her heart. Characteristics such as selfishness, arrogance, pride, slothfulness, contentiousness, and perversity are examples of things that the process of fusion to God in marriage is designed to expunge. Thus, for every man who desires to have a wonderful relationship,
It is best for your woman to be married before you start dating her
When Bruce had his aha moment, he explained that a man who hitches himself to an unmarried woman is a man who will experience the effects of the junk that is yet to be purged out of her heart. Not to lay it all on the woman, he also submitted that a man who chooses not to fuse his heart with God will become a source of deep pain in the life of the person he dates. This is to be avoided as much as it is up to us.
To finish our conversation, Bruce said these words that I now pass along:
If getting with a married person minimizes the pain and maximizes the pleasure, then why not choose to date someone who you know is married?
Why not indeed.